Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
