I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
