Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
