Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
