I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
