my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
