My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
