I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
