We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
