made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
All the doctor said was why
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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