6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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