Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
