im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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