I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
