Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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