Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
