It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
