Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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