the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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