I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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