My liver just broke up with me...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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