I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
