Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
