Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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