There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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