wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
