You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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