i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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