We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
