just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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