Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
