She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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