i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
