apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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