Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My cat gives me a boner
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
