i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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