i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
