I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
