I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
