For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
