it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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