If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
