I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
