she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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