Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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