I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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