i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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