I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
