yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
