he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
